burn, baby, BURN.

 

MY HAIR IS GROWING! 

These are exciting times in the Life of Chelli Love! I feel soo free; and this FREEDOM is something that I didn't even know I was "deprived" of. Since changing my number a few weeks back, my phone has been DRY...only the close people that I talk to all the time (my family, lss, and close friends) have been reaching out to me -- as expected. This allows me to focus on the things of the highest importance. I got a little resistance from changing my number. Many people assumed that I was just being an "emotional female" and reacting from the fake-me-out break up, Tommy & I had. -- That reasoning infuriated me; 1.) because I am very cognizant of how crazily emotions can react IF YOU LET THEM and I make it my duty to react with intellect and logic -- sometimes that doesn't work but the majority of the time I'm on top of it, 2.) that says a lot about who they think I am as a person -- my character, 3.) That's childish. Changing my number just because Tommy & I "broke up" proves and fixes NOTHING. Here's a splash of reality for all the nay-sayers; not that I feel like I need to explain myself, but to motivate folks into thinking deeper than what topical reasoning suggests...AND this is my blog & I want it to represent ME & MY THOUGHTS. 

If Tommy wanted to have my new number...or wanted to reach out to me period HE WOULD BE THE FIRST IN LINE OF ALL MY PAST SITUATIONS TO ACTUALLY HAVE ACCESS TO GETTING ME. He knows my email. He knows my business email. He has access to finding my business number. He knows my business Instagram. He knows my Facebook Name. He has access to the people I know -- WHO KNOW THAT INFORMATION AND UPDATED INFO. This negro even has my bank account info. EVEN HIS SISTER HAS MY NEW NUMBER...Seriously. If I wanted to get so far away from Tommy -- changing my number wouldn't be a lucrative step; It would be more like a step to the side. I changed my number because that number was 10 years old, meaning there was 10 years worth of "full-of-crap" men still having the opportunity to reach me, AND GET ME. This would be a dramatic step to take if they weren't still calling, but they were. 

Married. 

Engaged. 

"Baby-mama'ed".

"Multiple baby-mama'ed".

Casually dating.

"Monogamous" relationshipped. 

Situationshipped.

 ..They were all still calling or texting -- irrespective of how nicely (or rudely) I asked them to stop or ignored them entirely. A few weeks before I changed my number I got a random text from my ex -- "just checking on you" -- with tones of nostalgia. Once that was ignored, he waited a week and sent an email with the subject line "Looking at old Emails..." Negro please. SO LONG. FAREWELL. AUF WEIDERSEHEN. GOOD BYE! Yes, I understand you messed up something great (being selfish) and want to see if there's any way possible, after almost 4 years, that you can fix this. You can't. It was so frustrating telling him that I was not interested -- in even a friendship; mainly because the friendship he wanted had undertones of eventually being together. He wasn't trying to get it; and he, like the countless others (with their various situations found above) had the same problem. One of my ex's from the early 2000's...WHEN I GOT MY CELL PHONE, still called, still texted...wanting to know the updates of my life -- totally negating the fact that it MIGHT just be uncomfortable for his 2 kid, baby-mama/girlfriend -- who he left me for; that he is still trying to cultivate a forever-relationship. They just weren't trying to get it. So instead of me keeping that LOCKED door still available to be knocked on, I figured it would be best to burn the whole building (of my past) down. In this change I realized I'd much rather have a dry phone than to have one dripping with broken promises, memories of the past -- both good and bad, and men who (based on their appropriate situation found above) STILL cannot commit. That sea of simpleminded men needed to be drained -- so I did what I had to do.

xx.